Emo Buildup

my respect for people who have the courage to retake an exam after failing it once or more than once, has just skyrocketed!  (a special salute to Fazlu! err 😉  )

i mean, i am already hoarding dry ration, just in case i fail…who can face all these people out there who are expecting your success as if it is the promised second coming of Christ?? HHellooo, million things can go wrong…the examiner could have mismarked a paper of mine, (i wont blame him even i cant read my writing after a period of 15 days) or the one entering the score in the list can invert it from,, say 93 to 39 (fat chance though, i am expecting numbers like 55/44)..or some brainless loser slash stalker could have entered my roll number instead of his own,on purpose just to settle old scores….and soooo on.

they think they are doing me a favour, these 90% of the total ppl i know, who are telling me that i will pass..”oh ho, tumhara tu ho jaye ga”…and i am like, “kiya? kabarra?”..it would have infinitely better for my lousy failure management skills, had these people not formed these expectations of me, or at least they could have refrained from communicating them to me….now, if i fail (Ah the blessed IF! i love this “if”, it’s mere presence suggests that there is another, more gratifying eventuality,,, perhaps its the very existence of this if, which is keeping me from choking on my fear of GBP…Global bezti program) it would amount to failing all these people, in addition to my own sorry self….

as the result is nearing, i am feeling my hostility towards the remaining 10%  ebbing away…it really is ok, not everyone  is destined to be Cassandra,, most are mere Sybill Trelawnys….no,seriously,at least they havnt added to the burden of expectations, hopes (and their other synonyms) that i am already carrying…thank you, guys..while i will never attend your calls when i am actually in an office, i promise i will never get you arrested on trumped-up charges…

it means, if i fail i am gonna hide my mug and hibernate for as long as possible…and one thing is for sure, after such an ignominious end, i am NEVER gonna reappear…to hell with the remaining two chances, i don’t want my sisters to hide their kids away from me, 10 years down the road, “na, na baita,,,khala nikami k saye main na jana”..no thanks,i’ll pass

of course,this is just me psyching myself up for a negative outcome….

i can still pass, can’t i? 😉