in a flick, things would have turned out quite differently…..
a girl, troubled by her male chauvinist social circle, sets out to prove that daughters are no less than sons..she buys loads of books with her pocket money while her friends invest in designer lawn…she loses most of her eyesight studying while others experiment with kohl and neon eyeshades….she remains engaged in pursuit of her dreams while her friends get married one after another until she alone remains.. to become an officer like her dad.
finally she appears in the much dreaded CSS exam..
in a flick, her result day would have been celebrated like a festival…mother hugging her & distributing sweets & generous donations…father would have told her that she was his pride & twinkle…sisters would have bragged about her to their friends…proposals that had slowed down in frequency would have increased overnight…she would have become a source of envy even for her happily married friends with cute chubby kids..
but life is not a flick..
i stood 196th in pakistan…
seats distribution follow quota system which means i am not competing with every pakistani just the punjabis…..but even there, i rank 133rd……in punjabi females i rank 31st (overall 38th female) which means a slight chance of allocation on women quota remains…but what change will i bring through allocation in postal group? change the colour of the envelopes or the size of the stamps? ;p
i didnt cry at first…i was mentally prepared for this…but then i saw the moist eyes of my mother who has always considered me the brightest of her kids…and my tear ducts just about ruptured.
but it is not the result that has shattered me with a force of thousand hammers…its the fact that i prayed for a good result and that too in the first attempt since i was TEN!!!!!!! For fourteen years whenever i prayed, i prayed “Allah mian, main pehli dafa main css clear kar jaon aur meri allocation ho jaye” it was prayer number 3 on my standard prayer list……i admit i am a flawed human being and even more flawed muslim, so it makes sense that He doesnt like me and wouldnt answer my prayers..but that was not the case 14 years ago..i was an innocent enough kid..begging to the One…..
but as they say and everyone is saying yet again “koi maslehat ho ge, koi behtari ho ge”..